i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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