Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize