He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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