that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
bring money and cleavage
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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