We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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