brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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