he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sext me about skeletons
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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