dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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