you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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