she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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