Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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