Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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