nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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