i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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