I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize