On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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