worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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