First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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