I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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