it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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