meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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