that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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