So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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