you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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