"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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