You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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