i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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