some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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