I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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