You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
