the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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