Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's always time for handjobs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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