when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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