omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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