You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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