Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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