Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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