I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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