That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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