you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
