haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
time to smoke my breakfast
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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