sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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