i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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