I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dicks are not precious.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize