I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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