Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How naked do you want me to be?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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