im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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