The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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