if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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