Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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