i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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